


...

by OliverRose



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Multi, Niall commits suicide to put it bluntly, Suicide, Unrequited Love, Unrequited niam - Freeform, ziall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-23
Updated: 2013-05-23
Packaged: 2017-12-12 18:06:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/814447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OliverRose/pseuds/OliverRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I just want to lie in a hospital bed and hear the last beeps of the machines, and feel the last dull thuds of my heart. And I just want that blackness. Where everything is nothing and I am free."</p><p>Liam never loved Niall like Niall loved Liam. It was always Zayn. No one ever loves Niall. Niall loves everyone. But no one ever loves him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	...

**Author's Note:**

> EXCUSE ME DON'T GET ME WRONG I LOVE NIALL OKAY.  
> Angsty fic where niall loves liam but liam loves zayn but zayn loves no one and niall in all honestly just wants to die cause he doesn't ever feel loved.

Niall held the plastic bottle lightly, staring down at it as it begged for him. He had never cut. He had never tried anything. He had talked to the lads but he stopped. 

Ugly.   
Useless.   
Pathetic.   
Stupid.   
Ignorant.   
Selfish.   
Fat.  
Skinny.   
Lazy.   
Idiot.   
Everyone hated him. He hated himself. He just felt numb sometimes. He couldn't feel anything. Like now. And the bottle of painkillers beckoned him, told him that they'll help. That they'll save him. And they will, he knows it. They'll take away the pain and hopefully him with it. 

He turned and carried the bottle back to his room, locking the door and sitting on the bed. He decided not to leave a note like people normally would. He didn't know why. 

He really deserved this though. That was the only thing he did know. 

He unscrewed the lid, quietly. He knew the lads were only in the rooms beside him, but of course they weren't going to hear the small sound. Niall was just very paranoid. 

He popped a pain killer into his mouth. Then another. Then another. And another. And two more. Until they were all gone in a hazy blur. He looked at the empty bottle and then put it on the bedside table, lying down slowly on his bed. He didn't get under the covers, he wasn't sure if he felt hot or cold. He felt nothing. 

His head started to feel light and his vision went fuzzy.   
He heard a knock on his bedroom door and a small smile graced his lips. A voice sounded from behind the thin wooden door. 

Now he was free. 

And everything went black. 

\----------

He knew where he was when he woke up. He had never been in a hospital before but the ceiling was white and he could hear slow beeping so where else was he going to be? He noticed he had one of those breathing mask things over his mouth and he breathed in and then let out a big sigh because he always wanted to know what they tasted like. His evaluation was hospital. But hospital was all he could taste. 

He turned his head to the side and saw the lads. He stared at them for a while. They were all sitting in chairs, looking very tired. Eventually Louis looked over to me. His face froze. 

Then they all started making a lot of noise. Not loud noise, they had hushed voices, but they were all talking at the same time. 

He lay there as they asked questions, as they cried, as they made promises that Niall knew where pointless. He just looked up at them with big eyes. He didn't want to cry so he simply did not. He examined himself further, noticing he had wires attached to him. 

He took of his air mask and pulled out the wires while the lads kept on begging him other wise. He pulled them all out except for one, the one kept on his pulse, the one keeping that machine beeping, the machine that made little jumps in a line. The machine that would soon make that line straight. 

He felt a lot of things drain from him. He didn't know what, but he could just feel it. Like he was being sucked into a black hole, piece by piece until finally his heart would be taken too. 

He felt one last violent tug on his heart as he turned his head back to the lads, seeing Liam sobbing into Zayn. A tear fell numbingly from Niall's eye as he watched. He never could help Liam. The one thing he would ever want to do before he died was help Liam. But he never could. Only Zayn. It was never him. Only Zayn. Always Zayn. Not him. Zayn. Zayn didn't love Liam like he did. But Liam loved Zayn like Niall loved Liam. Zayn didn't love anybody. But...but at least Liam wouldn't need Niall. Nobody needs Niall. 

His head slowly turned to look up at the white and blaring hospital ceiling. He thought of all the times they'd had together. All the tears, all the laughter, all the heartache, all the agony, all the wonderful moments, all the guilt, all the relief. All the love he felt for them. He didn't want to think of his family. Only his second one. Only the lads. 

"I..." He croaked, his breathing heavy and hard to maintain, "...I love you guys....you know?"  
"We love you too Niall," Louis cried, "We'll always love you."  
Niall smiled and shook his head, because he knew that truthfully they didn't know. Know how much Niall loved them. How much he needed them. How much he craved for their very existence. They didn't love him. Not like Niall did. No one could ever love Niall like Niall could love. 

He gloried in the hospital smell, in the soft feeling, in the sound of his heart pounding harder than ever but ever so slowly, accompanied by the distancing sound of a machine bleeping, it's sound also slowing. He smiled again and let out a small laugh, his smile falling afterwards as he felt his laugh was his last breath. 

And with that, Niall's blue eyes became grey. 

**Author's Note:**

> (my url's flutterniall.tumblr.com btw)


End file.
